Purging of Emotions - Cleansing of the Soul

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

In the tune of N-Sync's Bye Bye Bye...

Bye Bye Blog... Bye Bye!

Pogssz
6:28 PM | 0 Comment

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

That is when...

When I get tired of feeling sober, that is when I will be happy again.

Pogssz
3:23 AM | 0 Comment

Sunday, January 03, 2010

An open letter...

Christ, when he was persecuted, suffered in silence. He took the blows, the bruises, the pain, the humiliation without resistance. Although it is ideal that we strive to be like him, I just can't. Punch me and i'll bleed, kick me and i'll retaliate-- I have the every right to. Besides, I'm still human.

I have three things in mind, not to divert the attention to something else, but I just had to express my long-suppressed thoughts.

I'm not mad, but I have something against you. I know that you already knew about these things long ago. Why didn't you talk to me as I expected to you to. It seemed to me that you just don't care. You believed them, I supposed, but why didn't I get any benefit of the doubt? Why didn't you ask for my side? Why did it take you this long before you talked to me. I respect you so much, I wanted for so long to talk with you, even before all these. I guess you are too busy to over-see every little detail that is going through your flock. I just hope you cared a little more.

Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.

You believe them, I suppose. Not that I claim that they are speaking evil of me. But what proof do they have? Don't I have the right to be friends with people outside the religion? Don't they have their own? Let's set aside the fact that these allegations are true, but one can always argue that they started as allegations. No one has approached me, no one has asked me, and no one can confirm or deny these issues but me.

Finally, if we always say to none-Baptists that what we want to share to them is a relationship with God and not RELIGION, doesn't it apply to human relationships as well? Should our relationships be based on RELIGION? How can we be so quick to judge and accuse one person of compromising? How?

He who is without sin, cast the first stone.

You can prove me wrong, you know the words of God by heart. I can only argue up to this point. Now, I want to hear you.

---------------

How I wish you can read this...

Pogssz
5:03 PM | 0 Comment

Friday, January 01, 2010

There are times...

My first blog for 2010. Here it goes...

More than a year ago, it was a complete confusion. I was facing two options: to keep a friendship that I absolutely value in my life, or to take that friendship to another level. In all the confusion, one thing was for sure, I don't want to lose her.

Four years in college, I can safely say that I really know her as much as she knows me. We talk about anything and everything-- the trivial, the serious, the humorous, the senseless, just about anything. I know who I was in her life, and I can easily say who she was in mine. We were friends.

I was always the bestfriend, never the boyfriend. I'm used to that, no regrets or whatsoever, I guess that was just me. Growing up, I was always one of the girls. I can say that I have not yet pictured myself playing the boyfriend role.

Faced with my dilemma, OUR dilemma I mean, I had to make a decision. I decided to take the second option. We took the relationship to the next step. We became more than just friends, but partners.

The fear was always there. The what if's never ceased to resurface. The maybe's have to be dealt with as well. But above all these, we did our best to stay happy. I have to admit that it was never a walk in the park. Keeping the relationship alive was bittersweet. We struggled. We strived. We stayed together.

There were issues-- countless issues. We always try to resolve them, but sometimes they demand more from us. There were times that we almost gave-up, but it was always this that kept us together-- we are happy with each other. The relationship is getting stronger. The root grows deeper. We are growing as individuals and as partners.

But there are times of doubts. Right now, I am struggling. I am VERY happy and satisfied with how we are right now, but sometimes... you just. There are time I feel inadequate. There are times that I want to speak but choose to keep silent. There are times I just wish I am free(er).

It will be unfair to her if I say she has taken my freedom. Sometimes, it is just my decision to let go of this freedom I once had. There are things that I want to do but choose not to, cause I don't want another argument. There are times I just choose to withdraw myself to be fair with her. Sure, I can do without those things, but sometimes you just miss them.

I want to spend uninterrupted time for my faith without having to think of texting her or updating her.

I want to go out with my high-school friends again.

I want to watch games on my own.

I want time for myself.

I want more rest.

I want this.

I want that.

She is not prohibiting me from doing these things, but I choose not to, because it will spark another fight. Sure, I can do without them, all for the sake of having a harmonious relationship.

I just had to let this out. Sometimes I just feel it's unfair. I guess that is just how life is.

Pogssz
8:25 AM | 0 Comment